the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
