Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
