the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
