Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
