I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
