Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
