dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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