You just made me feel so damn special
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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