just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
