well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
as a side note pls kill me
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