Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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