im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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