she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
