Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
