Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Michael Bay diarrhea
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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