Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
