Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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