Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
