i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
