my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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