I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I love having hate sex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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