these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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