im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I look better un-naked...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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