His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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