I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
