two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
