I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
