I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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