you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
