Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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