it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
pray to the hookup gods
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
