Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
