I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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