weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
