Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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