you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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