let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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