I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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