Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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