I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
