literally had 100 drinks last night.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
