i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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