The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
