i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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