i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Couch. On fire.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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