how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
