I wannas sexs uuuuu
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
