It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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