what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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