i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
