Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
