the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
